Cicadas

Cicadas so loud I can barely think. The world is safe..... For now👽😎

Why would I ???

Want to be limited to heaven when the entire universe is at my fingertips?

Truths to live by

Always breathe through your nose when able.

Dressing up.

Do you feel compelled to dress a certain level?

Growing up anytime I wore a dress or anything pretty I was often questioned throughout the day "why did you dress up? What did you get all dressed up for today?"

In hindsight I can wonder if that's people's ways of showing appreciation? Or complimenting? It always made me feel accused.

Anyone want to offer some insight?

What if you were comfortable in outrageous clothing; like formal wear?

Perspective, hallucinations.

Lately I've been thinking that hallucinations are seeing into other worlds.

I can see a man eating dinner with his wife when suddenly the diner is exchanged with a giant octopus party and the man, so small beside the massive 8 legged boisterously drinking ... Octopus...looks to his right and sees a giant squid lunging for its face.(I was trying to think of another word above, it just came to me. Squid/octopus?

Close enough.

See in my world / if someone is hallucinating they need help to be called out if the door. Maybe some people are happier in other dimensions, where leprechauns run freely perhaps:).. But instead of telling people they don't exist I think / ok they do exist -- just back away, and close the door. Or even just turn away.

Not denied the reality.

Techno music

Techno mucic is really freaking me out right now. 

It's like... Does it end ! ?

Is there an ending to this song?

I'm really freaking out right now because this song just continues to loop and twist in and out up and down. A rythym you can't break away of no way to end. And then the new song starts and unless you can confirm this you don't KNOW!! You can question and you ponder but until you are recaptured in the inevitable loop you don't KNOW that yes is for sure a new song.

Does anybody else feel that way? 

Senses

It's interesting to live in a world where there is noise pollution in several locations, lights in every direction..

Scents from all around....

And to compare it to a world where its just you and your output.

Just a half thought About cancer..

I haven't touched cancer much, since I almost found the cure and all.. It was disappointing to be so close and then have my clouds dissipate.... (Only relevant to BBC)

But

https://asunews.asu.edu/20130712_pauldavies_cancer_research

http://conspiro.org/showthread.php?tid=109

Very interesting links about how cancer is in everybody right from birth.

... it says anything can really set the cancer off - Which works with my theory of "bumping" I figure if I live life in such a way that I don't excuse myself from the pack, and as such am occasionally bumped and pushed or nudged... So long as I move steady in the pack it feels right.

(Just physically. I think cancer is very physical)

Bar fights vs debates

Which waged first? A battle of wit or strength?
Why is one acceptable but not the other?
Why is freedom of speech protected by law,  but numerous actions can incarcerate you? Are both, if attacks, not equally offensive and equally painful?

Dexterity

Dexterity is so important in self care.
Could you imagine not having the dexterity to wash your own body? Scratch an itch you can't reach?
And most painfully when the person you ask to help you insists they cannot, or are genuinely unable to understand you?

Is self care more or equally as important as education or mental stimulation?
If they carried two thirds the weights of a wheel, and social awareness carried the remaining third
--would they be equal weights or no?
What is the dividing line between the three?
Body maintenance; such as clothing/dressing, excersize, diet possibly, dental care, eye care, shaving/waxing/plucking, nails, bathing?


Communications - being able to make individual sounds or communicating effectively? Are these things you learn to keep your comprehension of language stimulated, or to make sure you are part of society, or is it something you do because it is essential to your life?

Or are they all essential to life?
... Again I come back to, are they equally essential then?


This is like.. 1/10 this whole thought but I can't follow all my directions.

My first real breAk

Toes don't count, right???

After a disaster of a beach trip in which my ds wanted nothing more than another beach-goers inflatable rowboat, we soon left the sandy area and headed up some rocks towards the showers. .. Which, if I knew where I was would have taken me 8 minutes to get to. Instead about an hour later we ended up back at the beach (thank god, because there was a while there I was worried- no cell phone, large campsite, no sense of direction:/ thank god remaining family at the beach was loud, we followed the voices and all finally headed back to the showers. Gave my dog, ds and me a shower, and headed back to our campsite to climb MORE rocks. I love climbing told, this was by far my fave. Aspect of this campsite, the beach was awesome, but I love scaling me some rocks:)

After another 30 mins heckling out some deer beyond the rocks, we realized we forgot something, an I knew already if I went back down I wasnt coming up. hadn't eaten, been on the go non-stop for almost 3 hours, hadn't slept well because our yet zipper was broken and I was scared out dog would run away .. (Again.) so I start heading down, looking forward to sitting quietly. Just a few boulders away from the fire pit and I step down with my evil-crocs on and hear the loudest crack - which really didn't sound much different than a typical hour crack except for being like 20 times louder!

Instantly I react by making sure my foot was aligned. Good move? Bad move? I don't know. No fucking way was I letting my ankle remain bent if it even actually had been though.

I'm sitting there, my husband asking if I'm ok I tell him I think I broke my ankle, please remain calm and get me some water.

He takes our son to get water.. My son is a bit spacey (thanks mom/autism) and somehow got smacked by the car door; husband out.

Dearest daughter, mommy could *really* use some water, would you please get me some? Down she goes. Not quite processing the urgency she's not even half way casually sauntering down the rocks and my vision begins to darken, the view looked like a water colour painting, still wet as black drops fell and spread until almost the whole picture was covered.

Just before I laid down I called one last hope - a friend at the campsite I yelled down to. Finally I had some water and everyone was calm.

Unable (or unwilling to try) to move, my husband carries me down the last few rocks as I lovingly tell him that I've always dreamed of this moment, which I regretted admitting when we were both laughing and I started picturing both of us falling.

Just as we are about to reach the chairs set across from each other for me to rest, the only usable vehicle in our campsite comes back with the drivers face obviously figuring out some crisis.

And there begins the 7 hour hospital experience, involving lots of pedicure jokes, and thoughts of how little I will have to do (wrong- lifting your body with your arms is a lot of work.) and how I planned it so my husband would be stuck doing it all..

Reality is way less fun than my thoughts.

It's hard to pee.

It's hard to see my husband doing everything and not be able to help.

It's hard to want what I want and not be able to do it myself, there's only so much I'm willing to ask for that I can't do.

Here's to quick and excellent healing:)

*drinks drink I would have if I could walk yet*

I can't wait till I can see my X-ray photos on a computer:)

Thoughts while camping

Fear of crazy people,
Fear of strong people,
Fear of different people.
Why are you scared of people?
Why does fire always pull up

While gravity always pushes back down?


~~~

Do you support society, or do you fight to change?
Why are the rules so important when the rules are so ignorant?






Also I'm thinking I'm really scared a bear will attack me.

Spiders.

If you have been letting a spider live in your house, and your spouse kills it...

Is that any worse than having a pet like a dog living in your house and your spouse killing that?

What if they never approved of the pet in the first place?

Does it matter if its a caged spider (like a tarantula that perhaps escaped its confines) or a daddy long legs hanging out by the back door?

Does it matter if your spouse knew it was your pet, or not?