Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Do you touch dead people? (Trigger)

Do you touch dead people?

I often see people at funerals touching the bereaved and I think how comforting that must feel; a kiss, or a clasp of the hand, or gentle stroke.. a beautiful way to say a final goodbye.
I find myself wanting to touch, wondering how it feels. working myself up to it "look! Another person touched! I can do it. Just hold it for 3 seconds, then you can wash your hands after."

In the same breath I'm thinking "How can you touch that!? I don't want to touch dead things!"
I imagine it must be cold, and I wonder how ill feel after? That's a big thing for me; knowing how ill feel after.
Sometimes I have this thing where I need my sides to balance my sides. It made gym class fun, when I hurt myself an felt compelled to hurt the other side... (Realizing that probably not normal.. Or maybe it is?)
It's really bad when its triggered by my NOT being ok with how the body feels. Now I am compelled to compulsively touch it with my other side too, despite fighting back a heebie jeebie dance.

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